FALL 2010 — FALL 2012:
1. lol totally not writing a thesis
2. why would anyone do that to themselves
WINTER BREAK 2012:
1. wait should I write a thesis?
2. no, I’m not capable of writing a hundred pages.
3. why would anyone do that to themselves
1. huh. psych research is pretty cool. that study I did on Spanish-English bilingualism and shame was fun.
2. what else do I want to research?
3. I really like being Arab, so maybe I should do something related to that.
4. OMG PALESTINE
5. I just got back from Aida. this is perfect
6. wait how do I even do a research study on Palestine
7. I should probably make this more specific.
8. what if I included emotions? emotions are cool.
9. based on the seminar on emotions I took last semester, the ones that interest me most are humiliation, pride, and hope.
10. combine that with Palestine and I have a research topic?
11. how do I even do this here
12. maybe I DONT have to do it here??
13. wait…….should I write a thesis?
14. nah I wanna have a social life senior year
16. maybe I’ll toss the idea around?
17. my professor loves the idea.
18. I’m starting to warm up to it myself.
19. omg there’s a grant for students writing theses on diasporas and transnationalism
20. THATS EXACTLY WHAT MY THESIS WOULD BE ON
21. shit how do I write a grant proposal again?
22. oh, right. words.
23. *fingers crossed*
24. (much back and forth)
25. I GOT THE GRANT!!!!!!
26. I guess I’m writing a thesis.
27. cool! cool cool cool.
1. specifics. interviewing Palestinian refugees in the West Bank and Lebanon on the emotions humiliation, pride, and hope. what could go wrong?
2. time to get plane tickets with my grant money!
3. BOOKED. roundabout flight map traveling to two different airports in Cyprus but worth it.
4. I’m so excited to go back to Palestine!
5. wait. I can’t cross the Cyprus border to get from one airport to another?
6. it’s ILLEGAL???
7. why did no one tell me this??
8. wtf north Cyprus isn’t even a COUNTRY???
9. thank god I got insurance
10. it’s not COVERED?????
12. time for plan B.
13. Palestine for 2 weeks at the beginning of August, 2 weeks in Lebanon afterwards. solid.
14. I *guess* I should just enjoy summer until then
15. *enjoys summer*
16. time to go to Palestine!!! I even packed my bags efficiently.
17. damn, middle seat.
18. hi JFK airport! hi queen Alia airport! hi Ben gurion airport! I can’t wait to be at Aida in time for Iftar!
19. I have to be interrogated? okay, but I have someone waiting for me
20. what do you mean I’ve been denied entry?
21. *sobs uncontrollably*
22. okay cool yeah search in my underwear while I’m crying
23. when can I sleep? maybe they’ll take me to a hotel.
24. why am I getting into this sketchy van? at least it’s light out.
25. wtf where am I? is this a jail? there are bars on the windows and barbed wire fences everywhere.
26. I can’t take my toothbrush with me? cool
27. thank god for teddy bears.
28. oh okay np it’s chill if you push me into a room that smells like urine and smoke
29. maybe now I can sleep
30. nvm the mattresses are made of duct tape and smell like pee
31. oh. I have roommates.
32. shit I need to take my medicine. they told me to go to the office when I needed them.
33. oh. there’s no door handle. lovely.
34. well, my fists hurt from banging so much and all I’ve gotten is the middle finger from the guard so I might as well try to sleep.
35. *sleeps, somehow*
36. the door is opening. it’s a guy. I’m in my underwear. fuck.
37. hold on guy lemme put my clothes on
38. alright yeah that’s cool if you ogle me while holding your crotch
39. oh I guess it’s outside time. sunlight! maybe I can forget I’m here for a little while.
40. lol jk I guess it’s just an outside jail, considering it’s a concrete park with a chain-link dome over it.
41. I guess the 10 minutes of outside time are up. back to the room!
42. sweet, I’m banned from Israel. which means I’m banned from Palestine.
43. aight say hi to my great-gram for me; she’s buried in Haifa
44. oh how kind of you to escort me to my plane seat.
45. I can’t get my passport back until I pay for my deportation flight back? seems fair.
46. thank god for family friends in Jordan.
47. and thank god for shisha.
48. *inhales deeply*
49. good ol’ USA. I missed ya.
50. no point in griping. I’ve still got research to collect in Lebanon!
51. good ol’ Lebanon. where the customs officer knew and idolized my grandfather and proceeded to tell me “welcome home.”
52. I like feeling welcome. it’s a lot better then being deported.
53. oh geez, I’m audio recording this interview literally in the street of this refugee camp. I’ve already had 3 near-death experiences with motorcycles.
54. *more interviews occur*
55. *rides around in bulletproof car*
56. back in the states…and only 3 more days til move-in?!?
57. bye Winchester!
1. hi, Wesleyan.
2. holy shit I’m a senior.
3. ahh I’ve still got 9 months!
4. eh I’m busy this semester. I’m not taking classes next semester so I’ll leave the brunt of my thesis for the spring. 2014 carina can deal with it.
1. FUCK YOU 2013 CARINA
2. alright how do I thesis
3. I’m so tired. maybe I’ll take a quick nap.
4. *7 hours later*
5. hmm. I’m still tired. oh well, it’s not like I have class tomorrow.
6. *repeats until after spring break with some instances of work*
7. wait. thesis is due in 3 weeks?
8. GODDAMMIT CARINA
9. okay. I can do this. I just need a stress-free weekend.
10. *has extremely stressful weekend*
11. all I want to do is take a bottle of whiskey/wine to my face
12. BUT I CANT BECAUSE IM ON ANTIBIOTICS
13. focus, carina. you have to get this draft in.
14. this isn’t so much a draft as it is detailed bullet points, but the idea is still the same, right?
15. I guess I’ll find out at my advisor meeting on Thursday.
16. *has meltdown in front of advisor*
17. I NEED WHISKEY
18. I just need to go to the library and stay there until I get a good amount of work done.
19. wow, I was actually kind of productive today! 43 pages!
20. maybe a full draft by Tuesday IS doable. I just have to keep up this pace.
21. *sleeps all day saturday*
22. I’m so ashamed.
23. # of days since last thesis meltdown: 0
24. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF
25. why can’t I go out tonight? because thesis.
26. alright, I’ve earned a break. time to watch some community.
27. Joel McHale’s upper body is god’s gift to mankind.
28. I wish I could stroke it.
29. okay I guess I should get back to work.
30. oh but the next episode already started…it would be rude to shut it off.
31. dammit hulu
32. I think I’ll just go to bed now and wake up early to be productive and do work.
33. I’ll multi-task! I’ll write this blog post while I try going to sleep.
34. wow, thesising is a lot of steps.
35. I am falling asleep.
36. yhsnk uku dir resding